hujan

 I still smoke a lot, though. Right in the middle of my chest is hurting now. But that's okay, if I die faster, that'd be fine too. Hahaha. 

Tonight, I called a friend of mine. Just for talking, practising English, and just want to be listen though, but she's kinda a busy and doing something else. I don't blame her, though. It's her time and her energy. I feel like a burden, though, even now, I somehow beg for somebody's time and energy, even for saying hi and how are you. Many of my close friends have left me, too. Even though they said the opposite, that's how I am feeling. Okay, let's take a bet. I won't text anyone for seven days, and still no one will text me,  unless I text first or post something on social media. So, on April 4th, I will write about it again. 

In the past, I didn't really care if someone wasn't calling or texting me or asking how I am. Since I was a child very few times somebody ask how are you? Therefore, I don't really care about it. However, ever since these traumas "woke up" and haunted me day by day, I cannot be alone. But yeah, people left me, too. So yeah, I won't call her anymore, unless she tells me to do so. I won't talk with her, or others, too. I know it sounds selfish, let it be. If then I'd be like a bomb inside me, I don't care too. Since I was a child, I have known how to make a real bomb, and I've seen and heard bombs blow up and kill people too. 

I will write again on 4 April